Portrait of a Schoolboy

Sunday 08 Jul 1984

July, 1984

Filed under: Diary One - Portrait of a Schoolboy — David Matthews @ 11:19 am


I’m going through the same emotions I was feeling two years ago. The O levels had finished and I was waiting for the results. Surprisingly my heart has only fluttered a couple of times since the finish of my A levels compared with the countless times in 1982. There’s nothing I can do now though.

If I get three C’s I’ll think, “Yes I suppose I did do some very good essays.” If I get a D and two O’s I expect I’ll think, “Yes, I suppose I did do some really crummy essays.”


Tim said three weeks ago, “Everybody’s a bastard except you.” Today he said, “It’s good to have brothers.” He seems fonder of me than ever before. I’ve always admired and respected him, and it looks like I’m getting some of that back.


A lady congratulated me on my patience with the children today, however my former extreme patience has declined. On the bumper boats there was a boy who was irritating me because I was shouting, “Can you come in please,” but he was continuing to muck about. Eventually his boat hit a boat I was securing to the side, so that water spayed up and sprayed my face. I lost my temper and shouted, “CAN YOU COME IN NOW PLEASE.” His parents were nearby and understood.

Keeping the Veteran Cars going round, so that everything runs smoothly, is one of my priorities – and therefore when people are loading up and they are really taking their time, I’ll set the car going before it is fully loaded, if it seems I can get away with it. Usually this causes no hassle because people think it’s a mistake, or else they don’t mind. However when I separated a child from her family the father wasn’t at all pleased and used the occasion to use all the swear words he knew – at me. One can see the contrast in people when a few days later I did exactly the same thing and the mum and dad were smiling and joking about it.

All night I dreamt I was operating the Veteran Cars.


I’ve lent Andrew £200. I won’t get that back for years, but I won’t need it, and the interest payments on it are negligible, although a few days after I lent the money a money “Crisis” hit Britain, and the interest rate is going up 2%. Mrs. Thatcher told the House of Commons, “The economy is sound,” but in their typical manner they laughed long and loud.


I was on the “Fantasy Boat Ride” today, which requires that I press a start button over and over again. The best part of the day was between 1.30 – 2.30 when I was in a state of half sleep.


After a day on the Veteran Cars I rose out of my bed in my sleep and pulled over a cupboard, thinking I was pulling a car along, making all the things that were on top of the cupboard fall off.


At my R.E. teacher’s party I saw this fairly pretty girl. I waited patiently for a slow dance to come on, but in the end I went over and asked the bloke in charge of the music if he would put on a slow dance. He looked through his tapes and suggested Simon and Garfunkel. She was sitting in the hallway looking a bit bored. I whispered to Ian and Vanessa, “I think I’m on if she says yes.”

She danced and in the middle we kissed a few times. When the record had finished we stood there talking for a while until a fastish song came on. I led her to the hallway. We sat. I asked her if I could put my arm around her. We must have been sitting down two minutes when I said, “Do you want to go upstairs?” She just replied by saying yes and nodding her head. I led, she followed.

In the bedroom she picked up an object that was lying on the bed and started to talk about it. She gave it to me. I put it straight down and lowered her into the lying position and our mouths met. I don’t know how long we were up there, but I imagine something like forty-five minutes.

I was feeling her breast, but unlike with Caroline we were alone and she had a dress on, and so I felt her legs and thighs, rubbing her constantly saying how lovely she was. I thought I was well on the way when I started to kiss her neck but as I got lower down she moved her body upwards. She said, “I never thought you were like this.” I didn’t really attempt to feel her cunt, although she had these skimpy knickers on, and I felt just about everywhere else. I also made my first feeble attempt at a love bite, low down on the neck. I did notice though that our kissing wasn’t all that successful. When we were interrupted for the second time we went downstairs.


Mrs. Halliday said to me when I entered her front room that she didn’t recognise me at first. She said that I looked like a man now. One of the big questions is – When does a boy change into a man? Physically I haven’t developed. My wisdom teeth are half way there. I shave regularly but not as a man. Mentally I really don’t know. I reckon at the moment I’m a boy/man.


My history of girlfriends has been pretty non-existent however I had a date tonight. You could say my first real date.

I followed the map she’d drawn at the party the fifteen miles or so to her house. It was a lovely farm house with eleven acres. We were out from 8 to 11.30 and I never once tried to put my arm round her or try and kiss her or anything like that.

My opinion of Diana is very high. Physically she’s slim, quite tall and has got a slightly Roman nose and is well spoken. She’s just taken three A levels, and has got a hair cut like this though she is much more attractive than the diagram.


The quality of gullibility is never a nice one to have to admit, but I think at present I am a gullible person. I was taken in by the writings of Hal Lindsy in “The Late Great Planet Earth”, about the end of the world.

In my youth there was someone called Peter Pong who led me on a lot. I had my suspicions when he said he had an underground camp full of Penny Blacks.

There’s a person at Pleasurewood Hills who keeps on leading me on and then saying it’s just a wind up. I mentioned Mr. Larter, the owner of Pleasurewood Hills to him, and he said, “Did you see him fall over?”
I said, “No.” The discussion proceeded until I said, “What, he actually fell right over then?”
David Marler said, “Yea, they took him to the infirmary.”
I said, “Really,” in a surprised tone. I didn’t know what an infirmary was. I thought he meant First Aid. Another wind up. I think it’s because I’m not used to people lying to me.


After the party we went to Corton Beach in an opened topped car. I had a girl on my left and right. It was squashed and I put my arm around both of them. My first move was to feel the bottom of her tit. I moved further up but she wasn’t having that though. The girl on my left wasn’t so pretty but she was willing. I thought, “To hell with it.” She was cuddling up to my left arm. I felt her knee and got further down, but she wasn’t having that either. They weren’t rude refusals. Personally I thought they were unwilling refusals. Afterwards in my more sober state I could only laugh about it, and I’ll probably laugh about it with them.

I proceeded to get more drunk with wine and vodka. I was having a great time swimming and playing British Bull Dog. After all that activity we sat round in a circle singing. It was then that I started to regret the amount of alcohol consumed. I walked into the darkness had a wee and silently puked up.

On the way home I was largely silent, just trying my best not to puke up. It was twelve miles home. I walked upstairs, put my head out of the bedroom window and puked up. I then went to sleep very quickly.


I’ve always wondered why I’ve never had a hangover. I think I experienced my first this morning when mum woke me up. I was fully clothed including my shoes. It hadn’t occurred to me to change.

Aged 18


Eightenth birthdays are meant to be special. The only significance this birthday has for me is that I earn 25p more every hour, and that adds up to an extra £14 a week.


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